A Day in the Life of
by Somewhere NofA
Summary: A day in the mundane existence of one Shinji Ikari. Watch as everyone's favourite antihero suffers through the indignities of his daily life. Looking for an epic literary masterpiece? Go read something else.
1. Morning Showers Bring May Fanservice

(A/N) well, I've just gotten back the latter half of chapter one, albeit a bit earlier than I expected so here it is the full version. Now with the the added bonus of not forgetting the disclaimer.

Disclaimer: Do you believe I own Evangelion? Do you believe that if I where to own Evangelion I'd be wasting my time doing this? Do you believe that the mere fact that this is being posted on a site called "Fan"Fiction does not intrinsically imply that I am a fan rather than an owner. If so, I have the number for an excellent mental health facility which you may want to look into, but before you do that, Have I ever discussed with you the merits of owning a bridge?

**A Day In The Life Of**

A day in the mundane existence of one Shinji Ikari

Shinji's eyes snapped open at the behest of the interminable racket emanating from his alarm clock. Now your average boy would be hard pressed to consider Classical music coming through an SDAT, played of course at a low volume, a suitable form of alarm let alone a "racket", Shinji however being somewhat far removed from the "average boy" misnomer, considered it just such.

Kicking his feet off the side of the bed, our protagonist readied himself for the inevitable jolt of warm feet meeting cold floor, only to be somewhat befuddled at the sensation of warm and… feathery? This of course led to the first of many tidbits of knowledge he would acquire throughout the day; Which is the discovery that being pecked by a Penguin, especially during the early hours of the morning, is a none too pleasant experience.

He sighed as the penguin squawked at him and waddled its way out the door, not before, he noted, giving him the Flipper. What this means, or how it is so much as possible for a penguin to do so, what with lacking the range of mobility and all, was unknown to the boy, he was however certain it had occurred despite the intellectual shortcomings inherent in all early morning observations.

Picking himself up off the floor; too whom, following what will herein be referred to as "the Penguin incident", his rear end had become quite well acquainted. Though through the steady thrum of pain originating in that region, it became rather apparent that his rear wished to see other people. Preferably a nice feather seat or at the very least a beanbag chair, the floor was to say the least crushed. Deciding then and there to eat more, if for no other reason than that bone seemed a very insufficient form of cushioning, perhaps he thought, that is why Asuka was always berating him for his "bony ass". On a completely unrelated note, few are aware that the state of Denial is the largest and most densely populated of all the states.

He was broken from his reverie as his nose gave a greeting to his closet door any Eskimo would be proud of. His nose did not bleed however; his body learned long ago that it would need to preserve what precious little of that particular fluid remains in the boy's scrawny frame for the days in which Asuka forgets to lock the shower door. Those, Shinji absently noted, where decidedly good days.

His eyes snaked over the rows of white shirts and black pants, languishing over which to wear, either the shirt with the crease one inch to the left of centre, or the shirt with the crease one inch to the right of centre. Shinji, if nothing else, was an incredibly indecisive individual (who also had a penchant for alliteration). He remembered once making the mistake of asking which one of the two he should go for with Maya within earshot, his head still rang with the yelling of "GO LEFT, what I do in the privacy of my own bedroom is none of the governments god damn business!" Too this day the young boy was still confused as to what any of that had to do with the fold of his shirt, but not being a fan of conflict, he ultimately decided to go with the leftmost crease.

Maya was indeed a strange woman.

He emerged from his room, still bleary of eye and bereft of mind, even in such a sad state the scene before him elicited not so much as a twinge of surprise. Misato had seated herself at the kitchen table, obviously still somewhat drunk from the preceding days revelries. As such she had forgotten certain aspects of daily life one tends to get in the habit of when sharing an apartment. This was of course far from the first time this had occurred, hence Shinji provided her with his usual subtle reminder.

"Misato, clothes."

The older woman peered downward as the jist of what Shinji was referring to began too seep it's way through the nigh impenetrable shield of alcohol that routinely surrounded her brain.

"Hmm, yeah, I need those don't I?"

"Yes, yes you do."

With that briefest of conversations Misato began to make her way towards her room, which if she remembered correctly (which she hardly ever did) is where she last observed the aforementioned clothes. She slid her door open only to be interrupted by that nice boy who pointed out her lack of clothing, whoever he was.

"Misato, closet"

"Right, knew that, and my room would be…"

"Left, 2 doors down."

"Of course, knew that to."

And with that, the nude Misato was gone. Somewhere in a location, which shall forever remain undisclosed, a light labelled "fan service" flickered and slowly died, many wept for its loss.

No longer interested in the inebriated antics of his alcoholic flatmate Shinji Ikari began the arduous task of preparing the morning meal. Due to the lack of knowledge on the part of the author concerning the traditional Japanese breakfast, the days menu consisted of eggs, scrambled no less. He was but minutes into his daily routine before his eyes strayed towards the clock integrated within the stove. 7:32 on the dot, this meant within ten seconds his day would become approximately 50 decibels louder.

The door to Asuka's room made a clatter as it was gently relieved of it's attachment too it's hinges by a redhead. She emerged from her dwelling irate of disposition and tussled of hair, as she did every morning, the door in question having become somewhat of a boon for local repairmen.

"Oi, dumb-ass, you making breakfast?"

Shinji performed a quick mental calculation, determining that his previous estimate was off considerably, The decibel level had increased by a higher than usual 64 points, perhaps the day was not to be so average. In a more likely scenario the throat cold Asuka had been suffering from since her arrival had finally cleared up and he was now subject to the full intensity of her vocal capacity, all 7 octaves of it. A feat he had once imagined to be impossible for a human.

He muttered his response of "Yes" which much to his surprise Asuka heard. This had of course surprised him since he had been informed that people who place themselves near loud speakers often lose their hearing, especially at concerts, considering the proximity of her ears to her mouth, by all accounts Shinji observed she should have lost her hearing long ago. Asuka, Shinji surmised, was not partial to the laws of Physics and Anatomy, thus refusing to abide by them.

As Asuka made her way towards the shower, throwing over her shoulder her daily insistence that if he where to peak, certain aspects of his anatomy would become disassociated with his torso, she gave the boy a deliberate flick of her hips. Whether this action was subconscious in hopes the boy would peak through some secret desire for him, or through some secret desire to have some sort of excuse to inflict bodily rather than emotional harm upon the unassuming boy, is yet unknown. What is known however is that this was a gesture towards which Shinji harboured very little animosity.

As is well documented amongst the masses, whom Shinji had a sneaking suspicion where observing his every move, Shinji's skills when it comes to the culinary arts where the things of legend. Or to be more precise, where considered to be so when held up in comparison to the other potential candidates which have been a part of Shinji's rather short life. While attempting to formulate a viable explanation as to why this is, he was struck with a long suppressed memory of Gendo; slaving over a stove sporting a large apron with "Kiss the Cook" emblazoned upon the front. This was needless to say disturbing as Shinji began to scratch the surface of the reasons most of his childhood memories where repressed.

As he shook the image of Gendo donning an apron (which he absently noted, was pink) He began the process of distributing the morning's meal. Spooning the largest portion onto the plate set aside for Asuka, lest the girl once again berate him for being what she perceives as a "rampant anti-Asukite" the irony of such a statement coming from a girl who insists that Germans are the best people on earth being completely lost on the poor boy. Lending credence once again to the belief that perhaps the "Baka" moniker is not quite as misplaced as some have been led to believe.

Before Shinji could complete his task of divvying up breakfast Asuka emerged from her room, having previously completed her shower in record time (less than half an hour, a personal best) throwing herself down to the kitchen table with all the grace usually associated with a Bison tripping on a pothole She began to voice her displeasure concerning the lack of food in front of her at a decibel level bordering on 80.

"What! That's it?"

How the girl managed to look as she did despite being capable of eating any bison that dare to challenge her under the table, was a point of contention amongst Shinji and his small clique of friends, or as Asuka referred to them "The 3 stooges". A name Shinji once considered an insult before Kensuke had the consideration to show him a few episodes of said program; he now views it as the highest of compliments, contrary to the obvious derogatory intent of the phrase.

Now Shinji as it where, was stuck in quite a conundrum. There was a limited amount of food and it would appear that all three members of this humble abode where hungry, as such the boy quickly created a mental list of things he could say to avoid exacerbating things.

"_That's all there is"?_ Concise, to the point, hmmm, perhaps just a tad too direct, it would give the impression of standing up for himself, an impression neither Asuka nor that invisible audience he believed watching him wanted. Another option sprung to mind _"You don't want to get fat do you?_" Definitely no, how that one even got in there was a mystery, possibly originating for some sort of subconscious desire for suicide. _"Well you could make more yourself"_? Hmm, while definitely not as bad as the previous, the end result would still probably be death, so no.

This process continued for quite some time before Shinji was finally capable of conceiving a phrase which would fulfill all of the requirements he set out for himself, a phrase he affectionately referred to as "old reliable"

"Sorry."

"God, do you always have to say that?"

Contrary to its original intent "old reliable" did little to sooth the savage beas…er Asuka. Shinji thus concluded that perhaps repetition would be effective. Tragically no one had ever informed him of the definition of insanity, being the act of attempting the same thing twice expecting different results, this knowledge could have saved Shinji a whole world of trouble throughout his life.

"Sorry."

At this Asuka merely "harrumphed" and started to work on her meal. Shinji being the obtuse bundle of joy we've come to know and love, considered this a victory as he thought to himself.

'_heh, old reliable strikes again'_

Misato emerged from her room just as the discourse (or more aptly marital discourse) ended between her two charges. The woman seemed surprisingly sober considering the antics of all but 1 hour ago. She had actually been persuaded by Ritsuko to sign her liver off to science after she finally kicked the bucket, mot likely after just avoiding a DUI charge.

"You two know you're going to be late for school right?"

Throughout the ages the mention of school has functioned as a substitute for a bucket of cold water for all those in attendance, this fact as proven by the immediate reaction of the two children, remains unchanged.

Asuka's plate clattered as she lunged towards the door dragging; none too gently might I add, a very confused Shinji behind her. Shoes were placed on feet in a whirlwind of motion as Asuka once more Dragged Shinji out the door. The poor boy no option open to him but to comply with the foreword motion of the girl.

He could only hope that his stomach as well as his lower intestines could catch up to him in an expedient manor as they made their way towards the school.

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(A/N) Well, as I said before, here's the full version of Chapter 1, A friend of mine had it and I wasn't expecting it back until tomorrow but since when am I ever right. This Fic was done to test the waters while I work on hammering out the details of a more serious Fic I'm working on so hopefully it's not too shoddy.

Once again I hope you enjoyed it, if note, my sincerest apologies for wasting your time (possibly for the second time today)

Anyway that's about all so have a good one eh.


	2. To school or not to school?

Disclaimer: For those of you who may have forgotten, I still do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion. I am however working on rectifying this situation, give me a few more days and I'll get back to you on how it goes. Wish me luck.

**A Day In The Life Of**

Chapter 2: to school or not to school.

The process of walking to school is a rather simple process for most. Merely a repetition a the simple "left foot, right foot" formula, with the only variables being the occasional traffic light as well as the relative distance to the school from your place of origin. Now if this simplicity where to be carried over to our two protagonists one would be confronted with a very short chapter indeed, as such the route to their resident institute of learning happened to be riddled with peril, or at the very least, shenanigans.

Approximately three blocks from the apartment Asuka had finally released Shinji's arm from her iron grasp. Whilst Shinji was occupied attempting to return his arm to it's rightful place, that being in the comfortable embrace of its socket, Asuka was busy at work formulating a plan concerning what to do during this given day. Frustration was beginning to set in as absolutely nothing was coming to mind. Finally succumbing to the powers of aggravation she resorted to plan E, having exhausted all other options. Plan E for those who missed the memo, is talking to Shinji.

"Shinji, what in the hell was that noise this morning?"

Shinji took a moment to get through the initial shock, Asuka talking to him, voluntarily no less, was to say the least not a regular occurrence. That being said, her attempting to make casual conversion was nigh unheard of. One can imagine that Shinji at this point was a stew of emotions, the ingredients being- mix one part surprised with two parts happy, then garnish heavily with suspicious.

"What was that?"

"God you really are an idiot aren't you, sometimes I wonder why I even bother. I said What. Was. That. Noise. This. Morning."

Contrary to popular belief, repeating something slowly with a pause between each word does not make something easier to hear. Just as it can't make someone miraculously speak English despite the best efforts of the English speaking populace when traveling around the globe. Fortunately it was a rather simple concept so Shinji understood nevertheless.

"Oh that was PenPen, did you know he can give the finger"

"Are you telling me the bird flipped you the bird?"

"Ironically enough… Yes."

Asuka stared at the boy with an incredulous look. This particular look being the one she usually reserves for those who wish to tell her the size of the fish they just caught but then managed to escape their grasp in a moment of confusion was. Seeing as this was Shinji though, she deemed most anything he said in dire need of scrutiny. He was after all, an idiot.

"You know that's impossible right, what with lacking the range of mobility and all."

"That's what I said."

"Well then you should listen to yourself more often, take it from me remember I am a University grad after all."

"Yeah, but didn't you graduate from a physics course, that has nothing to do with pengui…"

Asuka was of course quick to quell this miniature rebellion the remnants of Shinji's spine had decided to initiate. Insubordination was not to be tolerated, especially when coming from one whom she considered so obviously beneath her.

"Hey, if you really want to argue let's see your diploma… oh wait, YOU DON'T HAVE ONE do you? No? I didn't think so, so be smart and just believe everything I say unconditionally alright."

Unfortunately Shinji's spine, given its diminutive stature, could not hold up against very much pressure. For a point of reference if one is so needed, it possesses approximately the same structural integrity as that of Balsawood. Which, for those of you who have never had the misfortune of attempting to work with, is hardly very much at all. Taking all of this into account a small snap could be heard from Shinji's lower back as he muttered:

"Yes Mam."

Now at this Asuka was not satisfied, she believed, nay, she was certain Shinji still didn't fully believe her, she had a plan. As a bonus this particular plan would put to rest her troubles as to what to do for the day.

However, before we elaborate on the plans of these two, let us observe the days of the other characters whom occupy this world.

------------

Elsewhere, deep within the bowls of Terminal Dogma, Two lone figures positioned side by side. One seated behind a desk, fingers intertwined at the fore of his expressionless façade. The other straight as a ramrod, hands locked in perfect symmetry behind his back. Their features obscured in the shadows, a single candle fighting the suffocating darkness in the immense expanse of the room. The seated one remained unmoving, a visage that would haunt the dreams of even the sturdiest of men. Finally, the older standing man turned to his companion.

"Gendo…"

Now who didn't see that coming?

"… It seems the base is still abuzz with the left versus right debate incited by your son, what is your take on it?"

Gendo remained motionless in "Bastard king pose number 4" His personal contribution to poses of all sorts of masterminds. A pose he found far superior to "Bastard King pose number 3", I mean sitting and stroking a cat, come on now. Some crinkling could be heard as he turned toward his accomplice.

"What I do in the privacy of my own…"

"DON'T"

Fuyutsuki was quick to interrupt the phrase.

"Don't finish that sentence, just don't. I don't want to even know."

Gendo complied with the wishes of the older man; He was after all still polite. Confusion riddled his mind however as he attempted to discern his behaviour.

'_I was only going to tell him that what I do in the privacy of my own clothing closet is none of the staff's concern.'_

Fuyutsuki was indeed a strange individual.

-----------------

In a classroom, seated approximatelyfour desks away from the very spot Shinji would have been this very moment had he not been derailed by a train wreck called Asuka, sat a blue haired Red eyed girl. Rei sat as she always did, peering out the window. In a rare moment of insight we shall now see what really trully takes place in her mind.

Rei Starred at the tree.

The tree starred back.

Rei starred at the tree some more.

The tree stared back

Reis eyes narrowed.

The tree looked away.

Yet another victory for the enigmatic Ayanami Rei, this bringing her record to a total of Rei: 60, inanimate objects: 1. Her record would be unblemished where it not for that damnable toaster. She had promised herself on the eve of her defeat that she would not rest until said toaster agreed to a rematch; it was after all, the only venue open to redeem herself with. All of these other opponents where Childs play, especially the trees, she smiled inwardly as she began to make preparations for the afternoons contest, the one with the fire hydrant down the street.

----------

Returning once again to the original focus of this particular tale Shinji and Asuka had managed to arrive at the Zoo. Then subsequently, in record time (only 5 minutes by Asuka's count) had managed to be banned for life. The details of the crimes perpetrated to warrant such drastic action shall be left to the imagination, mainly in an attempt to avoid legal action from folks at PETA. Though if one where to go to the Tokyo 3 Zoo and travel it in its entirety, they would notice something was amiss in the confines of the Penguin cage. You see penguins in the wild, don't normally all have their flippers in splints.

"I told you penguins didn't have the range of mobility required to flip the bird."

Asuka's triumphant tone made it obvious to all but the densest of observers that she believed this particular case (The people vs. Shinji and PenPen) to be closed. There was however a nagging suspicion in the gullet of Ikari Shinji, that perhaps PenPen was different from these other penguins.

"Yeah, but I remember before you got here, hearing something about PenPen being genetically engineered, or maybe I read it I'm not sure. People write some crazy things you know."

Asuka was shocked, flabbergasted, gobsmacked and floored. This was a possibility she had never considered before, a revelation that could turn the very way she looks at the world on it's head. This meant she had to revaluate everything she believed. It was quite a while before Asuka could give voice to her confusion, attempting to piece her mind back together. Finally she asked.

"You existed before I met you?" (Shout-out to King Alar on that one)

To this, Shinji had no response. Which if one where to stop and think about it, is probably the same response they'd have to such a question being posed to them with any degree of seriousness behind it. He looked Asuka up and down for a bit trying desperately to think of what the appropriate reply would be, eventually looking into her eyes and seeing the amazement in them, he concluded that it would be best to simply let the topic go, lest he accidentally break the poor girls mind.

"Well how about we go home and check? Misato is at work today, so we don't need to worry about that."

That seemed to work as Asuka broke out of the trance she seemed to have placed herself into and shook her head slightly. She quickly agreed and the two began their trek back home. Although Shinji noted that Asuka continued to throw him odd looks as they continued on their merry way. This led to Shinji's ultimate conclusion that Asuka was every bit as peculiar as he was, and then some.

As it would happen, upon their arrival the Penguin in question was busy enjoying its daily soap operas. Absentmindedly using his flippers in correlation with it's oval shaped gut as someform of primitive drum set. Seeing as nothing was happening the silence was beginning to get to Shinji, causing the boy to fidget in discomfort. Eventually he decided to make causal conversation with his avian companion.

"So has Rocko woken up from his coma yet?"

"Wark."

"What, and he's dating who?"

"Wark Wark… Wark."

"No. He's cheating on her? with Valerie?"

Asuka was once again in shock. Firstly the revelation that Shinji actually had a life beyond the scope of her existence, and then compounded by the knowledge that he is in fact capable of communication with the bird. She was beginning to wonder how much more of this her mind could take, the answer of course being four.

"Look, even if you can talk to him, he's still just a stupid penguin alright. There is no way he can give anyone the finger."

This outburst on Asuka's part elicited a menacing glare from the Penguin as it slowly and deliberately stood from its position on the ground. And with equally purposeful movement its flipper gradually lifted into the air before coming to a halt just above it's head. Asuka watched in horror as it's flipper and the tiny claw like appendages which double as it's fingers began to curl one by one until the only remaining raised portion rested squarely in the centre of the appendage, effectively flipping off the Girl.

The counter with an engraving which now reads "Until Asuka's mind breaks" read: Three.

END OF CHAPTER 2

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(A/N) Well there you have it, chapter 2 of "A Day in the Life of" hope you enjoyed it.

Anyone who ever tries to tell you that making the jump between Non-Fiction and Fiction writing is easy, be aware that they're lying out the Wazoo. I seem to be having a hard time creating a sense of somesort of narrative since I never actually had to do so before and as such everything seems to be coming out kind of disjointed. I tried to fix a bit of that problem in this chapter, but I'm still nowhere near there yet, so bear with me here.

Anyway if any of you are interested in a rewarding career as pre-reader for this schlock, god knows I need one, I'd be very appreciative. Posting this hot off the press is probably not the best option open to me since it remains riddled with errors. (Most of which can be attributed to that laziness I was talking about at an earlier juncture, unless of course I was to lazy to type that part out.)

Also on a completely unrelated note, the details to that more serious fic I was talking about before (this one I know I typed out) are finally fully hammered out, so I'll be splitting my time between this and writing a rough draft of it's first chapter, so most of the following updates won't be coming this quickly

Seeing as that seems to be about it:

Have a good one eh.


	3. The Lunch Heard Around The World

Disclaimer: As it would be, my attempts at seizing control of Evangelion where met with resounding failure. Come on, how was I supposed to know that the security guards where armed. Geez, I come from Hamilton, here our security guards are lucky if the have a flashlight big enough to knock you one with.

**A Day In The Life Of**

Chapter 3: The lunch heard around the world

It was a beautiful day in the Eva-verse, the sun was shining, the sky was cloudless, the birds where singing, the chipmunks conducting. It was by all accounts an idyllic morning, so much so that it could beg the question "what could possibly go wrong on a day such as this?" Well, let's see.

Asuka had not so much as moved an inch for a time now bordering on 10 minutes, her eyes still remaining fixated on the site in which PenPen had flipped her off. The Penguin in question having long ago lost interest in her impressive rendition of a statue and returned to the cool comfort of his refrigerated habitat. Shinji was beginning to feel somewhat perturbed by the lack of movement on the part of his usually boisterous companion. As such, drastic measures where needed, and thus taken. Shinji however quickly tired of poking the motionless girl with a stick, and decided perhaps slightly more of a drastic measure was in order. He inched ever so slowly towards her, until the two where face to face and…

"WAKE UP!"

Before what ensues gets going, let us take a moment to analyze why what is to occur in fact does. You see, Asuka is in possession of a rather unique "Fight or Flight" instinct, unique in the sense that it has been stuck on fight since birth, and no amount of WD-40 would be capable of dislodging it from it's current setting. The reason behind this, as has often been theorized, being the same genetic fluke that led to her being born without a "mute" or "off" setting.

This has caused no less than a few problems for the girl in past times. One of which including an occasion, when confronted with a car speeding towards her, rather than leap from its path, as a slightly more sane individual would be inclined to do. She would instead turn towards it, as if to challenge the metal monstrosity, perhaps not quite yet realising that a Buick is in fact, far larger than she was. (A bonehead move the author himself once performed. By accident mind you). So when confronted with a loud noise in front of her face, rather than leaping backwards, as most (including Shinji) would anticipate, she leapt forewords, in an attempt to confront the source of the noise.

Shinji's mouth being open in mid yell, and Asuka's in mid battle cry, this particular action resulted in a lip lock Kaji himself would be proud of. Which Shinji's nose noted, was significantly more enjoyable than the last. The two were relatively quick to realise what had occurred and bounded backwards, simultaneously brandishing accusatory fingers at one another. In unison they both arraigned the other.

"You kissed me!"

It was at this point that it may have come to the attention of those in attendance that the beloved counter with it's detailed summary of the exact time remaining until Asuka's mind breaks, was vandalized by some punk kids last night, so we shall have to keep track manually. I believe we are now at two, god damn punk kids.

Asuka, as quickly as her legs could carry her, made her way towards the washroom hoping to wash the taste of raw Shinji from her mouth. Gargling in the tap, she began to envision the countless forms of revenge she could inflict upon the boy for taking advantage of her in a moment of weakness. In an attempt to keep the "T" rating of this particular story, these insights will not be elaborated upon. However, let there be no doubts as to the venom of these particular judgments, the term "Eviscerate" for example was thought a total of 20 times in less than a minute, shattering the previous record of 16. Which ironically enough was also set by Asuka in a situation suspiciously similar to this one.

Shinji, it would appear, now had his turn to be frozen in place. His mind not quite possessing the same resilience as that of Asuka, was broken quite suddenly. Laying in pieces strung about the floor. He could only hope that Asuka would not accidentally step on one of them upon her return, lest he never be able to reclaim it.

He continued to stare at the wall, unmoving and unblinking. So frozen was he that while he probably still would have been hard pressed to give Rei a run for her money, he would have had no trouble besting a tree. Except of course for an Evergreen, who happen to be surprisingly resilient. In fact, even Asuka's return could not break him from his stupor.

"Shinji, Don't you think you should be moving by know."

Unbeknownst to Asuka, she had posed a question Shinji was currently somewhat incapable of answering. This incapability had very little to do with his current difficulties the boy had when it came to matters such as speaking in "Words", but more to do with its inclusion of a variation too the phrase "do you think". Which as we have already established is currently a no.

Finally tiring of awaiting a response, she decided to rectify the situation in the same fashion she dealt with most problems confronting her. A swift kick to the shins later, Shinji was back with us in the realm of the living, the grey matter thought to be lost too the floor, seeping it's way back towards him. His first conscious thoughts making their way out his mouth, bypassing the editing section of his brain altogether.

"Well that was pleasant."

Within his brain, alarms sounded as the thousands of miniature Shinji's charged with the boys higher functions began running about as panic began to set in. Damage control was working overtime attempting to formulate some sort of spin they could put on the words he had just uttered, before those words could lead to their untimely demise. A video feed popped up as a direct link to the spinal cord was established. Hundreds of Shinji's appeared on camera, all running in every which direction, only one recurring phrase could be heard over the clamour.

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

Severing the link as quickly as possible in the interests of maintaining morale, the main control room found itself without a hope in the world.

"Prepare for impact!"

"Increase weight distribution 6 degrees to the rear, roll with the punches!"

"Vocal cords, prepare to put "old reliable" on repeat."

Outside, Asuka's eyebrow was beginning to twitch. Shinji had long ago catalogued the various forms of Eyebrow twitch Asuka stored in her rather expansive repertoire. This particular twitch happened to be a full twitch of the right eyebrow, with approximately half an inch each movement. It was a twitch of legend; the kind of twitch old sea captains would exchange tales of in dingy saloons. He had only ever once seen this particular incarnation. It was following a former classmate's decision to pinch her buttocks. (God rest the poor boy's soul.) Increasing his weight distribution to a full 12 degrees to the rear in order to compensate. Shinji awaited his untimely demise.

Ten seconds passed without incident as Shinji, surprised to find himself still alive and for the most part, fully functioning, slowly opened one of his eyes. He noticed that the twitch had calmed down considerably to just below a level four. While level four was indeed far from being out of hot water, his life was fortunately no longer in serious danger. Asuka finally responded.

"What. Did. You. Say."

"Umm, I want a Pheasant?"

Lame Shinji, very lame.

Perhaps it was wilful ignorance, perhaps she agreed with the pleasant statement; perhaps she just didn't feel like violence at this juncture. The most likely scenario however was that having only 2 shocks remaining in her now fragile psyche she was bemused enough to actually believe the boys tall tale.

"Now where in the hell would we get a pheasant? You really are an idiot you know."

In the confines of Shinji's mind, streamers were set off and glasses were raised as the denizens of his brain began a celebration unparalleled across the land. They had gone so far as to even invite their own band (Real small fish, a Real big Fish cover band consisting entirely of Shinjis). Even the large portion of the crew to whom introspection and angst was usually delegated joined in the revelries as a commemorative plaque was placed upon the outer shell of the wall. It read "On this day of December 5th 2015, Asuka was outsmarted by our very own: Shinji Ikari". This was the wall to witch all the plaques where placed upon Shinji's victories over Asuka, as you could imagine, it was a rather desolate wall consisting mainly of small ribbons spouting slogans such as "Good effort", "Thanks for trying", and "Honourable mentions". The plaque was quick to become quite lonely indeed.

Returning once more to the real world, a tiny smidgen of drool made it's way out of Shinji's mouth, this being an unfortunate side effect of the skeleton crew now covering for the partygoers within his head. Quickly swabbing it away he responded.

"Oh well, I guess I'll just have to forget about it then."

"Damn right you will, besides Pheasants suck anyways."

Shinji was about to retort, sure he could take being called an idiot, a pervert, a waste of flesh, and these were merely minor annoyances. He let those slide, but to insult the almighty Pheasant, well that was just crossing the line. He was about to voice his displeasure as suddenly a message appeared within his mind "Don't Fuck It Up" (on an unrelated note, did you know that according to the American ratings society you are allowed to drop the F bomb once without being struck with an "R" rating? Adding to that, did you know up here in Canada you can drop it a fuckload of times and not be rated "R" unless you include violence? Just food for thought.)

Shinji, while certainly no candidate for mensa or a nobel prize, was still not quite a complete idiot yet. As such, he knew full well when to heed the voices residing in his head, and when not to. For instance when they are to tell him to keep quiet or not to screw something up he knew he should probably listen. When they tell him to burn things however, well that's just asking for trouble now isn't it?

"Well alright. Hey lunch at school is almost over, we should probably head back now."

Asuka gave the boy a once over, trying to concoct a reason as to why anyone who could, by any stretch of the imagination, be considered right in the head would wish to voluntarily return to that institution of torture and mind numbing tedium known as school.

"Are you daft? Why would we do that?"

"Well, we did miss 5 days of school so far this month."

"So what, yesterday was my birthday, I'm expected to miss then."

"What about before that?"

"Pre-birthday celebrations of course, besides 5 days aren't all that many."

"Asuka, you realize it's only the 5th right?"

"Who cares I'm not going."

Shinji always had a sort of prenatural sense for when Asuka was being deathly serious, and this was most definitely one of those times. He wracked his brain as he struggled to find a way to bring her to school. Not wishing to go on his own, this seemed the only option. Finally the light bulb illuminated as an idea came to him. he proclaimed in as baritone a voice he could muster.

"You know you've kissed me twice now."

This plan worked like a charm as Asuka suddenly found herself frozen up as stiff as a board and remained that way. Shinji sighed as he walked of to the closet to grab the wheelbarrow they kept in there. This closet being the one they in which they stored props to be used purely as easy plot devices. Loading the now inert Asuka into it he began to whistle as he walked once more towards the school, ignoring the stares of onlookers along his way.

Poor Asuka, only one shock left in her.

----------------------

On a street corner merely blocks from the school stood Ayanami Rei, the lunch hour nearly up, unless she defeated this fire hydrant swiftly, she would have to miss school once more, failure was not an option.

As luck would have it, it was that moment that a fire truck pulled up in an effort to extinguish the flames licking the walls of the building just across the way. The fire hydrant turned it's gaze towards the source of the alarms as a sense of duty kicked in. Rei once more smiled inwardly.

"I win."

And that was all as she began to make her way back to her classroom. Hiding the packet of matches away into the folds of her skirt.

Failure after all, was not an option.

-------------------------

Misato sat at her desk staring intently at the can of beer seated in front of her, constantly waiting. She pulled her sleeve up to reveal the second watch hidden from the prying eyes of onlookers. She mentally cursed as the realisation struck that it was merely 4:59 somewhere, and she would have to wait it out for a whole nother minute. The seconds passed along, each tick of the clock reverberating in her head like a jackhammer pressed to her temple, finally the alarm went off. It was now officially five o'clock somewhere.

She would have asked Ritsuko, who had actually been the one to give her the watch as a belated Christmas gift, (Or for those in possesion of more delicate sensibilities, "Holiday gift".) where this particular somewhere happened to be. That unfortunately would mean it would be 5:00 in a definite location in her mind, no longer falling under the category of somewhere, thus ruining the whole effect. As such she revelled in her ignorance to the location in question as she popped open the tab and drained the can of its contents in a mater of seconds.

God did she loved that watch.

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(A/N) And there you have it, chapter three. I know there are a lot of people out there who loathe anything that has so much as hints at A/S so I figured I could at least give them 2 chapters to enjoy before I started to get into the actual plot. However featherweight this particular plot happens to be. A few of you got an alert yesterday that the third chapter was up, and it was for about 5 minutes. For those of you who care, let me recount to you my tale of woe. I finished writing this yesterday afternoon but was really unhappy with it, I spent about an hour going over it until I couldn't take it anymore and decided I'll just put it up as is. Fortunately for you guys I came to my senses quickly afterwards and took it down to work on it again this morning with a clear head. I'll probably put this up again later since I had to write all of the additions in notepad since 2 of my 3 computers chose today to be broken, the 2 in question being the only ones with an actual wordproccesor in it, so sorry for the spelling mistakes. I'll try to make it up to you guys with a cameo by a beloved webcomic character next chapter. Hint, think "Great Teacher".

Once again I hope you enjoyed it. If not, well this is the third chapter, why the hell are you still reading?

Also a big thanks goes out to all the people who bothered to review this, I honestly do appreciate it immensely.

The A/N's are getting kind of long, but just one more thing to note, I officially don't like whatever it is when you upload something that decided "hey I have an idea, let's get rid of the spaces and capitals, but not all of them, just random one's so it's hard to find."

After all is said and done

All of you: have a good one…eh.


	4. Class Of The Tiny Titans

Disclaimer: Gainax seems to be thwarting my attempts at taking Eva from them, the only option I have left open to me is an inside job. Hopefully they'll accept my application and then, well... you know, I'll think about it when I get there.

**A Day In The Life Of**

Class of the Tiny Titans/ Enter Great Teacher Largo

The school was a sturdy structure to say the least, metal support beams crisscrossing each floor of it's body, concrete reinforced by means of iron bars laid within. Even with all of this, the building was still just a product of pre- second impact technology and as such was acutely aware of it's own failings. So much so that it had recently developed quite the inferiority complex whilst being surrounded by the towering constructs of titanium that composed most of the skyline of Tokyo-3.

Knowing this it felt a disturbing sense of dread as it sensed the largest threat to it's continued existence returning. This threat not being angel or Eva, those where dangers indeed but far being the most so, approaching was Asuka. The building knew from painful experience that metal and concrete was not enough to keep the combined conflict of the three stooges and Asuka confined. Its sides still ached, courtesy of the repairs necessary to fix the hole through which Touji had been hurled the previous week. The building however breathed a sigh of relief as it noticed the second child was currently incapacitated and returned to its existence as an inanimate structure incapable of conscious thought once more.

The walk to school for Shinji was relatively uneventful, save for the few minutes he had to spend explaining to the police the reasons behind his having an unconscious fourteen year old girl in a wheelbarrow. Apparently, this led to suspicion on the part of the authorities, yet another lesson for the day. Thanks to the nice folks in section two however, he managed to avoid any serious troubles. After a brief moment of silence for those officers, he continued on his way.

"Hey look Asuka, we're at the school."

He looked down, as had been established way back in time, all the way to chapter one. The mention of school had long ago surpassed a bucket of cold water when it came to the preferred manner of shocking people back into existence. As such, Asuka's vivacious romp through LaLa land was cut short. This was most unfortunate since, given just a few more minutes, she would have crushed the remnants of the rebellion and held all of LaLa land in her iron grasp.

'_Ah well'_ She mused _'You can't win them all'_

Our heroes entered the school only to discover that something was indeed amiss. There where no groans of infinite suffering echoing through the halls. The class was void of the clacking of keys on a laptop. Perhaps most surprisingly of all, everyone in attendance seemed to be… Awake. This was a shock indeed, fortunately for Asuka she still hadn't regained an awareness of her surroundings and wasn't privy to the shock Shinji felt. A new presence entered the room as Asuka seethed.

"Wonder girl."

"Pilot Sohryu," Rei nodded. "Pilot Ikari, I had thought you'd killed Pilot Sohryu. It would appear I was mistaken."

Now if Shinji didn't know any better (which he didn't) he would've sworn he heard a hint of disappointment in Ayanami's voice. In fact if one where to read in to the inflection just a bit more, one could probably detect a hidden promise to help hide the murder weapon if he should ever chose to do so. Although one would not need to read too deeply, since not but three days ago she had given him a map of Tokyo-3 labelled "Places to hide Murder weapon". Shinji was beginning to understand why Rei seemed to be his fathers' favourite, because if she wasn't; he was sure she would have killed him. Making a mental note to stay at least 5 metres away from this new "Scary Rei" as he had deemed her. Shinji sat at his desk preparing once more to have stories of second impact and the teachers life beaten into his brain.

The boy was beginning to worry, as he seemed to always do, the teacher was yet to arrive and it was nearing 10 minutes after lunch, the other denizens of the class all appeared to be waiting patiently for the professors' return. This was not a common occurrence, not common in this case meaning "never". Shinji decided perhaps it would be best to ask why this was. Before he could however, a soft monotone voice behind him muttered.

"The professor is sick, we have been assigned a substitute. It would appear the professor can be replaced as well."

Shinji let the whole "can be replaced" comment slide. This bringing the grand total of ignored comments by Rei concerning replacement to fourteen hundred and thirty-two. The reason behind this not being confusion, but more he just really didn't want to think about it.

"So where is he?"

"Upon my return he referred to me as "3v1L 1" and leapt from the window, he has not been seen since."

For those of you who have never been in a classroom consisting entirely of 14 year olds, no mater how involved they happened to have been with something, they do have a limit, this limit being the attention span of a gnat. And given more than 15 minutes left to their own devices, will almost always degenerate into chaos. On another note, if you have never been in a classroom of 14 year olds, this fic is rated T, why the hell are you reading this?

Chaos setting in, the students began to mull about, making casual conversation with all those around them. Touji and Kensuke eventually made their way over to Shinji's desk.

"Hey Shin-man, where've you and the Red Devil been? Second honeymoon?"

Much to the chagrin of the three stooges, Asuka happened to overhear their subtle jabbing at Shinji. While under normal circumstances she didn't care if anyone where to insult Shinji, in her mind it simply rescued her from the effort of having to do so herself. Two of the Stooges however made the grievous error of including her into their slight. Specifically in reference to acts between Shinji and herself, which she would rather have avoided the thought of. She readied her desk above her head and proceeded to launch it at the offending party.

"Hey, what the hell was that for, we don't care about your superiority complex, just bugger off."

"Einen Überlegenheitskomplex zu haben bedeutet schlicht und einfach zu wissen, dass man besser ist" (Having a superiority complex is just being better and knowing it.)

"What?"

"Exactly."

The stooges decided to ignore the comment, this being the tactic they use on most things they don't understand. As you could imagine, they tend to ignore a great many things in this world. Things like Jell-O for instance, or British comedies, were quickly dismissed by the two. They instead chose to take the phrase as an affirmation of their previous assumption

"Hey no fair Shinji, you've already seen Ayanami naked, now Asuka too?"

Asuka was about to reply, she truly was, but it was then that the words "already" "Ayanami" "Naked" and "seen" chose to sink in. Quickly rearranging them into an order that made more sense she was shocked. For the more perceptive of my readership you would note that this was the final shock that Asuka's mind could take. The entire class heard a loud "_pop!_" from the area around Asuka's head

And that's when all hell broke loose.

----------------------------

Gendo stared into his closet, the suits laid out before him all but identical to the naked eye. In fact, Gendo usually gave no thought to which suit he was to pick out on any given day but today, he was unsure. He examined two suits, one with a crease one inch to the left, the other one inch to the right. He couldn't choose.

"This is all the boy's fault."

It certainly was. He resolved to inflict upon the boy another emotional scar in response to this perceived grievance.

Eventually he decided upon the suit with the crease to the right, if for no reason than to bother that Maya girl. Why she in fact cared so much was unknown to Gendo, but it could be a weakness to exploit. Donning the clothes he muttered to himself.

"It's all going according to plan."

-------------------------------

PenPen sat alone in his study, scrawling away on a shred of paper, his plans for world domination. He made as close an attempt at a smile as any penguin could, which of course surmounted to a "Wark". This particular plan was perfect, this plan would make him supreme ruler of the entire world, this plan… required opposable thumbs. Damn.

The penguin crumpled up his paper and threw it into his trash bin, now overflowing with failed plans at world domination. Deciding that instead of world domination he would watch the discovery channel, they where having a special on the mating habits of birds and he was sure as hell not gonna miss that.

He just wished Gendo would stop rooting through his garbage to steal all of his evil plans, one of these days that guy's going to need to come up with a plan on his own, or at least pay him for them.

--------------------------------

Earlier that day.

Hikari was having a wonderful day. Upon hearing that they were to have a supply teacher she had begun to worry profusely for her sanity. With the knowledge that it was in fact the most revered English teacher in all of Japan, her mind was set at ease. Apparently he was even referred to as "Great Teacher Largo". She went so far as to entertain the hopes that this teacher could mayhaps reign in the normally unruly class. She was beginning to envision fantasies of an orderly classroom, structured in identical rows, all silent and heading every word of the teacher. It was her paradise, her Eden. Her dream however was shattered with one word as the strange looking Gaijin with a name tag labelled "L4RG0".

"j0 cl455."

Kensuke poked his head up from his laptop for perhaps the first time since they had been introduced to the classroom and responded.

"j0"

Poor, poor Hikari.

--------------------------------

Deep within the bowels of Terminal Dogma once more, Ritsuko stood peering into a tank packed with Reis, the heart of the dummy plug system. Noticing a particular clone was suspiciously absent; she began to fret. This particular incarnation of Rei not being one the doctor wished to release upon the public at large. Finally still unable to locate her, she turned to her companion.

"Maya, when I told you to activate a new Rei, which one did you use?"

"Oh, number one, I thought it best that we start going in numerical order, make it easier to keep track of you see."

Ritsuko looked at Maya with a unique blend of shock and horror. She then wondered if perhaps she had, in her busy schedule, forgotten to inform her young protégé as to the finer points of the dummy plug system.

"Maya," She started "you do know that there are certain Rei bodies that are meant specifically for use in the dummy plug and are not to be activated right?"

"Really? Why is that?"

"Well they each house a certain aspect of the kind of personality we wanted to give the plug."

Maya was beginning to understand that perhaps her minor oversight was in fact not so minor at all. She hoped in vain it was just an insignificant part of the plugs "personality", not wishing to believe that she had rendered such an expensive project unusable. Finally she decided to ask.

"Which part was Number one?"

"You remember when the Dummy Plug ripped apart that Touji boys Eva and crushed the plug?"

"Yes."

"Well, Number one was the part that made the dummy plug such an ass."

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(A/N) Dun, Dun, Dun, the plot thickens, sort of. By now it's probably closer to the consistency of some sort of swill, but it is thickening. I decided to have the "Great Teacher Largo" part broken up into sections throughout the fic, they'll act sort of as flashbacks. I could tell you it has to do with some literary devices and such, but in reality it's just I'm not that funny and cant do justice to the original, so maybe in small doses it'll be funnier. If any of you have no clue where he's from, I order you to go read Megatokyo right now.

You'll probably notice that little the bit of realism I left huddling in a corner of this fic will be entirely demolished next chapter as your willing suspension of disbelief is put to the ultimate test.

Also I know this chapter wasn't quite as funny as the last few, but it needed to be done, I put off way to long that whole "plot" thing, so I needed to make up for lost time.

Also thank you once more for reveiwing, all of you who have, when PenPen finally conquers the world, I'll put in a good word for you, hopefully you'll be used as slave labour rather than killed.

Finally a big thanks goes out to Rioes for pre-reading this, hopefully he made it slightly more readable for you guys.

Have a good one eh.


	5. An Asuka In A China Shop Called Tokyo 3

Disclaimer: As it would appear, Gainax turned down my application. Apparently they're looking for someone with this stupid thing called "experience"… goddamn companies with their legal mumbo jumbo. I'm starting to think that owning Eva is harder than I initially imagined. Who'd have thought?

**A Day In The Life Of**

An Asuka in a China Shop Called Tokyo 3

The car never saw it coming. It had led quite an enjoyable life; it had a wife, kids. Heck it went so far as to adopt its very own smart car, little guy, cute as a button he was. It was in the midst of its daily routine, lugging the rampantly overweight middle class construction worker to his jobsite. It would then spend some time relaxing, talking with the guys, that Chevy, boy was it a laugh riot. Then his eight-hour break being over, it'd drive his owner over to his mistress's house. Sure it wasn't anything spectacular, but it kept a garage roof over its family's head, so it was proud of its job. It never saw Asuka coming, and it never knew little German girls could be so damn strong.

Shinji and his ragtag group of Asuka hunters, consisting of himself, Kensuke, Touji, Hikari, and Rei, continued in pursuit of the now crazed girl. She was far from being a particularly difficult charge to track; merely following the trail of chaos left in her wake would suffice. The thoughts running through their minds, suspiciously similar to the last thoughts of the car, that being '_Who would have known a little German girl could be so strong_.' Sidestepping an overturned Buick, they noted that there seemed to be a lot of those, perhaps due to some form of childhood trauma involving that particular make.

"I think we're getting closer."

The group was about to question how Hikari knew that they were in fact gaining on her when the sound of an explosion, the symbol of the demise of yet another Buick, interrupted their thoughts while simultaneously answering their as of yet unspoken question. Rei quickly broke with the group, in a full out sprint towards the source of the noise.

"I will deal with pilot Sohryu."

Under normal circumstances Shinji would have been relieved to have the responsibility of subduing Asuka off of his hands. These current happenings however fell far outside the scope of normal. Proven by the question Touji was quick to ask.

"Does any-one else wonder where Rei managed to get a sledgehammer?"

Shinji of course knew the answer to this question. Evidently Rei had snuck into his convenient plot device closet and stolen it while he wasn't looking. Obviously, this could lead to problems. Shinji had begun to believe that something was indeed amiss in regards to Rei. It wasn't her attempts to kill Asuka, those where in fact a rather common occurrence, so what could it have been? Ah yes, talkative, Rei seemed much more talkative than she usually was, a strange occurrence indeed. Hikari was quick to derail Shinji's train of thought.

"Don't you think we should go stop her?"

"Naw, Rei can take care of herself."

"Shut up Touji, you know I was talking about Asuka. How can she stand up against a sledgehammer?"

Kensuke had always been a fan of being a smartass. It was in fact one of his favourite things to do in the whole world. This was proven, in this case, by his leaning on the side of an upturned Buick.

"Gee, your right. How will meek little Asuka ever survive?"

"Point taken."

Beyond the sight of the remaining members of the group Rei slumped slightly. As with all actions of Rei's, Slumped is in respect to her normal level of emotional articulation, that being a one-inch drooping of the shoulders. She looked dejectedly at the broken remains of her beloved Smashie now split at the haft. She probably would have been surprised, but she had never really harboured any doubts that the little German girl in question was thick headed.

"Hey, look over there. It's Rei!"

With Touji's shout, the group ran towards the Albino girl. Upon hearing the story of her failed attempt at incapacitating the irate redhead, Shinji was actually quite happy to hear of Smashies' untimely demise. Smashie, you see, happened to be the very mallet Asuka tended to pull from subspace whenever she felt Shinji to be acting a bit too much a pervert. In fact, if you where to look closely, you could probably find "Anta Baka" inscribed upon its' hilt. Obviously, Shinji held no lost love for the ill-fated object.

"Perhaps it would be best to formulate a plan."

Rei, it would appear, had herself a good idea in that one as the whole group approved. After much unnecessary deliberation, they eventually concluded that using Misato's apartment as a home base would the most prudent choice.

----------------------------

Within the confines of Misato's apartment, nestled away in the confines of the fridge, was a very irate penguin. He was in the middle of the Discovery special when. Without so much as a bit of warning, his cable gave out. It was just getting to the good part to. PenPen decided that whoever it was who happened to be responsible for this travesty would suffer. His feathers ruffled as the sound of human feet entered the apartment.

PenPen, being the tactical genius he was, decided it best to listen in to their conversation, perhaps they knew the party responsible for his lost bird on bird action. While he still had difficulties understanding the language he referred to as "Human", he was nevertheless able to pick out a name, Asuka. He knew this name, but from where he didn't know. It was of little consequence however; this Asuka person will soon feel the full wrath of PenPen the destroyer. The destroyer suffix given to him after his glorious victory over the mighty armies of the ostrich.

Waddling off to his study he began to formulate a plan on how to eradicate this Asuka individual from this plane of existence. He did of course notice his trashcan was empty once more.

"WarkWark, Wark." (A rough translation of which I found on a Penguin to English translator in Google, being "God damn Gendo.")

------------------------------

Outside the confines of the fridge, the children themselves where also busy at work formulating a plan, which, much to the chagrin of Rei, was significantly less violent. Touji had read quite some time ago that music could sooth the savage beast and, as he so courteously elaborated upon, a more apt name for Asuka he could not conceive. Shinji, as he usually did when confronted with his friends' tirades against his roommate, attempted to insist that she was, in fact, not that bad. This endeavour was cut short as the apartment next to them erupted into flames. Asuka must have severed one of the gas lines in her rampage. If she kept blowing things up, it would become significantly more difficult for Shinji to insist upon inner merits.

Conflict did of course emerge in reference to which particular form this music would be best to take. Touji's initial suggestion of death metal was quickly dismissed, as well as various other forms. The choice ultimately amounted to being between Classical and Ska. While classical was indeed soothing, as the expression calls for, it was however, incredibly dry. Ska as well, while it was indeed a happier form of music, the prospect of Asuka's rampage, exacerbated by the kicking motion usually associated with skanking was a frightening thought indeed. Finally the squabbling group decided to go with the classical, it is, after all, better safe than sorry.

Grabbing the necessary convenient plot devices from the appropriate closet, they made their way back to catch the trail of Asuka. They where quite surprised to find that in the short period of time it took them to produce a plan, Asuka was able to carve a scar into the city which Kensuke assured them, was likely visible from space.

Never underestimate the powers of a crazed Anime Girl.

----------------------------------

Misato was in the midst of her third can of beer, perhaps the most enjoyable of them all. Her senses numbed enough that it lacks the unseemly kick of the first two, while still sound enough of mind to fully enjoy the taste. This, Misato thought to herself, is the good life. Her enjoyment of the frosty beverage was cut short by a knock on her office door. Whoever this was, it was wise at this point for them to begin thinking up a good reason for interrupting the purple haired alcoholic's favourite beer, or, failing that, look to invest in good health insurance.

"What!"

She yelled at the door, noticing two figures behind the glass, they seemed small however, she was sure she could take them. The door swung open surprising Misato enough that she spilt just a little bit of the amber fluid on herself. She was about to reach for the gun in her desk (bottom left drawer taped to the top) when she was struck with the realisation that it was in fact Ritsuko and Maya, Eva's odd couple.

"Misato, it's Rei, we've got to find her."

The two spent some time explaining to the slightly inebriated woman why in fact expediency was of the utmost importance but Misato, being as she is, could not quite grasp the importance of the situation. Ritsuko fortunately was currently in possession of an educational tape they gave to most all new NERV scientists. Placing it in the monitor, she hoped it would better explain to Misato the egregious nature of the emergency. Misato watched with rapt interest before asking.

"Can this Rei really do that?"

"What throw a bus? Yeah if you get her mad enough. Just make sure you don't break anything she likes."

"Alright, I'll help you find her."

----------------------------------

Gendo was stumped; staring down at the papers laid out before him he scratched his chin pensively. He had only just recently come into possession of the new plans written by the star of his genetically engineered penguin program, yet he had already come to an impasse.

He couldn't read penguin

He spun his chair towards the keyboard, searching the Magi in its entirety for anyone in Japan who was well versed in Penguin, up popped the image of a familiar looking Brown haired boy. If Gendo where to have someone reading over his shoulder at the moment they would have, in all likelihood, informed the brooding man that this was in fact his son. Not having anyone with him, and certainly not being a candidate for the "Father of the year" award. He couldn't quite put his finger on how he knew the boy.

Shrugging the feelings of familiarity aside he examined the boys face. His eyebrows furrowed as he crumpled up the penguin plans in his hand. Sure he could enlist the boy's help, translate the papers and conquer the world. But it would be a cold day in hell before he let anyone who looked like that much of a wuss work for NERV.

Elsewhere, Irony died as its appendix burst from the strain.

------------------------------

Mana sat alone in a dark room. She probably would be thinking why she was there. She probably would be thinking about what to do next. She probably would have been thinking of a whole host of things, but this was no ordinary dark room. This particular dark room is the spot in my mind where I keep Eva characters that I have not, nor do I ever intend to use. It is the obscurity room. The denizens of the obscurity room are never fleshed out to be three-dimensional characters, and as such, have never had what they are thinking thought out by the author, so feel free to consider them automatons. Seated next to her was Naoko Akagi. She finally asked the elder woman.

"What are you in for?"

"I was only in the series for a couple of seconds, not really worthy of note. What about you?"

"Oh, the author's an A/S fan, doesn't like me very much."

The conversation ended there as the two sat once more in silence, eyes fixated off in the distance; contemplating the utter meaninglessness of their existence, while also clinging desperately to the shred of happiness this brief cameo gave to them. But then it was gone. And the breach in the fourth wall through which this section was spawned was closed once more.

--------------------------------

-Earlier that day.

The Gaijin, who Hikari assumed, must be impersonating Great teacher Largo, walked up to the blackboard. With a quick wave of his hand, he erased all of its contents. He turned to the class, and looked them over with a deathly serious glare.

"This board is not l337. It does not deserve to L1v3."

Kensuke, who seemed to be unusually participatory this time, contrary to his usual habits of typing away, ignoring all the going ons of the class, peeked up once more from his laptop and responded.

"W00T."

Hikari looked all around her in surprise. Why where all of the kids awake? Didn't they realise that this man was… was… he was a complete idiot. How the hell the education system could have allowed this man into teaching, let alone revere him as they did, was a mystery to her. She sat, as Largo proceeded to hand out props to learn better "controller Sk1llz" she retreated into the confines of her mind, content to pretend that she was not, in fact, here.

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(A/N) and now ladies and gentlemen, we have some special guests in today's A/Ns. Please give a warm round of applause for Shinji and Asuka themselves; they've the courtesy to discuss with us their thoughts on "A Day In The Life Of." Let's see what they have to say.

----------------

Shinji: I don't get it?

Asuka: What?

Shinji: Well, it says it was you birthday yesterday, but when you got here you just turned 14, and later on it said a class full of 14 year olds. But you've already kissed me which means it would have to take place latter in the series, but this isn't post third impact, which means you can't be 15 yet either. This entire thing is impossible.

Asuka: Simple, there was a tear in the space-time continuum.

Shinji: what can cause those?

Asuka: simple things, time machines, Super Novas, poor story telling skills. You know the sorts.

Shinji: so which one is this?

Asuka: Which one do you think?

----------------

Well there you have it, perhaps the single stupidest chapter to ever come out of my mind; I usually like to keep things such as this on a short leash. Not doing so, in this case, led to the tragic and untimely death of irony. I can assure you I will not let it happen again.

Of course we now need to insert my chapterly thanks to all of those who reviewed, it's always nice to know that some people out there are enjoying this and I'm not just piddling away my time.

Also thanks to Rioes once again for suffering through the unedited versions of my chapters to make them legible to you fine folks.

Have a good one eh.


	6. The Great Chase

(A/N) Hidy Hi, FFN seems to have mangled this chapter the first time around, so here's my second go at it.

Disclaimer: I've decided that a new approach is probably in order to gain ownership of Eva, I have taken a small chunk of change and instead to use insider trading to accumulate a massive fortune. Large enough eventually to just go and buy Eva from Gainax, avoiding the unsightly mess usually associated with my attempted break-ins.

**A Day In The Life Of **

The Great Chase

The day had darkened considerably, blue skies surrendering their place to grey storm clouds in the interests of pathetic fallacy. The group of children continued their self-imposed charge of finding and subduing Asuka before any serious harm could be done. Of course many denizens of Tokyo Three have died over the course of this particular rampage, yet none of them where what could be considered "Main Characters", as such, it was measured as inconsequential, and may well be written off as collateral damage.

Aoba had died, however his death had little to do with the second child's massacre. He had in fact failed once too often at his attempts in the creation of bathtub toast. The man was after all considered to be, by many of his colleagues, in possession of a full six-pack, but lacking that little plastic thing which holds it all together.

Shinji was beginning to have second thoughts about the whole plan that they had conceived, the realisation that they had in fact chosen him to be the one to get close to her while the remaining members of his group hid behind a rock. Why this seemed like a very good plan in the first place was a thought long gone. He began to hope against hope that perhaps she had calmed down or, failing that, had made her way to a different city where he no longer felt the obligation to act.

You see, when it comes to matters involving Shinji, there is only one thing he is more adverse to than placing his life in danger, that being to argue with someone. This particular defect of sorts, was probably a rather large contributing factor to his very involvement in the Eva project altogether. Resigning himself to his fate, this individual fate being somewhat akin to that of a sacrificial lamb, he continued on the path.

Looking of to his side he noted that Rei had replaced her treasured "smashie" with a somewhat more effective chainsaw, "Just in case." she had assured him. This was yet another decision he had agreed to before which was beginning to seem, all the more, like a bad idea. How he continued to get himself into these situations was a mystery to the boy, although a sneaking suspicion told him it most likely had something to do with the aforementioned invisible audience observing him. They must, he concluded; take some sort of visceral pleasure in witnessing his suffering. What a strange group of people this invisible audience must be.

Touji, feeling somewhat under-represented in this particular story, had decided to have an internal conflict of his own, in an attempt to garner attention for himself. This particular conflict however was still originating from Touji and as such, had little impact upon the course of this fic, so it was quickly dismissed.

The ragtag collection of student from the class 2A, which was the official team name they had come up with for themselves. For those out there who would in all likelihood wonder why they actually needed a team name, or for that matter, why it was so very long. The concept behind it you see, was a brainchild of Touji's and as with most concepts which simultaneously involve the word Touji as well as the word Brain, or any synonym thereof, was a bit off kilter.

Digression aside, the ragtag collection of students from the class 2A found themselves coming upon a clearing in what could loosely be referred to as the urban jungle of Tokyo Three. Coming upon a clearing is not a rather magnificent occurrence in and of itself. What made this specific clearing worthy of note was that, as far as most of the children could recall, there used to be a school there. Or to be more precise, their school used to be there.

Off in the distance, the children noticed an odd looking Gaijin staring into the rubble, the reason behind his being there probably due to some form of guilt on the part of the author for not including the cameo character as much as he probably should. Hikari felt a disturbing sense of dread as Largo began to open his mouth. Not wishing to be confronted with the odd speech pattern the man possessed, her mind still not even comprehending how it was possible for her to hear this utterly ridiculous language.

"D00d, 5w337."

Thus concluding the necessary written space to constitute a cameo, he returned once more to the obscurity that "being off screen" provided. Kensuke, while being a smart-ass may be his favourite past time, stating the obvious was, if nothing else, a close second.

"I think Asuka's been through here."

The crew decided to ignore Kensuke's comments, one of the few actions they have taken that garnered unanimous consent. As luck would have it, just as they where beginning to feel they'd lost all hope of finding the girls trail once more, as small ray of hope arrived. The form this hope had decided to take being a thin trail of destruction leading away from their location with a mushroom cloud a ways down it. Having once more regained the trail, they began to jog in its direction.

---------------------------------

-A few minutes later.

"I could've sworn their school was here."

Misato having recently agreed to take Ritsuko and Maya to the most likely place Rei would be at the time, was beginning to feel just a tad deflated. Here she was, right where the school should've been, only to find it was gone, her apartment was on fire, but worst of all, she'd lost her buzz about twenty minutes ago. What started off as a good day was quickly becoming a nightmare. She of course also felt a twinge of sadness as to the current state the city she called home was in, but it was yet to fully sink in. You see, although her buzz had long ago left her, Misato was, as many refer to it as, Perma-drunk. Maya broke in.

"Do you think Rei did this?"

"No, no, it wasn't Rei."

Misato spun about in an effort to question the old doctor as tohow exactly she knew that, only to find Ritsuko spinning a small bit of red hair between her fingers. She quickly knew what she meant. Asuka, Misato decided, was so grounded after this.

"I think Rei might be following her though."

"Well come on let's go then, we have to get to Rei before she does any damage."

The trio of women looked about for the most likely path that they would have taken, quickly finding the path of scattered debris the children had just taken, they returned to Misato's car and sped off.

----------------------------------

Shinji and company, while not the official name, it is however much shorter, seemed to be making good headway towards Asuka, the difference in time between seeing and hearing an explosion was shortening considerably. There was however one possibility they had not accounted for, Asuka backtracking. And just as Murphy would have told you, since that was the one scenario they had not anticipated, that was the scenario which was to take place. They stopped dead in their tracks as they saw Asuka running by them, sporting a telephone poll as a colossal bat.

"Stand very still, hopefully she won't be able to see you."

Shinji was about to spin towards Rei to ask her why in the hell it would work when he realised that he, in fact, didn't exactly have a better idea. So standing very still he shut his eyes tightly, finally opening them a crack he noticed that all of his companions had long ago run off, leaving him behind with a very irate Asuka standing in front of him. He then heard Kensuke whisper.

"You where right Rei, it did buy us time to get away."

Shinji was really starting to dislike his friends.

---------------------------------

In his lab, PenPen was hard at work, putting the finishing touches on his doomsday weapon. How the penguin managed to fit a study, lounge as well as a lab inside the fridge is a process far too complicated to be conveyed in written word. So complicated was it, that it could only be expressed in the abstracts available to the Penguin language. If you do truly wish to know, the way is Wark Wark. Wark, WarkWark. Wark Wark. Amazing isn't it. If you wish to know how PenPen managed to get his hands upon a doomsday device of significant power, however, it was FedEx.

Taking out the blueprints he was beginning to become quite frustrated with, he looked them over once more. Feeling quite discriminated against, they where written out in 34 different languages, not one of them being Penguin. An idea came to the Penguin as he realised he knew of one person capable of helping him construct this, they could perhaps create a mutually beneficial relationship; he did after all have opposable thumbs as well.

It was time to get help from Gendo.

------------------------------------------

Gendo was seated at his desk, having not much better to do with his time, his attempt to steal plans from the penguin having been met with failure and the "Instrumentality" backup plan being more of a waiting game. He had discovered long ago that all one really has to do to retain their position as supreme commander of all of NERV, was to remain seated with their hands plied before their face and look pensive. Needless to say, Gendo was becoming quite good at this.

Interrupting Gendo from his thoughts was a steady beep from the general direction of his personal fax Machine. Reading the fax in question he smiled as he donned his coat and walked out of the base.

----------------------------------------

Private Fax From:

PenPen the destroyer

To:

Gendo- Evil genius Extraordinaire.

Subject:

Proposal

Attention Gendo, I have noted that you are currently incapable of reading penguin; I unfortunately cannot read Human, although for reasons unbeknownst to myself I appear to be capable of writing it. As such, I would like to propose a ceasefire of our current hostilities as well as a partnership. Our combined efforts could easily bring any plan of ours to fruition.

Do not respond to this Fax, meet me in the following Location (Location Edited for viewing audience)

Sincerely:

PenPen the destroyer, (official notary seal.)

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(A/N) Some of you probably noticed that this is my return to the overly descriptive writing style. I could probably give you a huge explanation for it, but the truth is this is just how the chapter came out this time and to be perfectly honest, I prefer it this way. It's just more fun to write.

Also, to all the people who review this, I know since I tend to update pretty frequently I won't get reviews from all of you for each chapter. (You guys do, I presume have this mythical concept called a life.) But for those of you who, when you do read, give a little feedback to me, thanks.

Finally thanks to Rioes for pre-reading, you manage to save me a lot of time editing, which I now have free for writing another chapter to have you suffer through. Also I've been added to my first C2, huzzah

One last thing to note, there are now officially two chapters left after this one, let the countdown commence.

Don't worry; I'll shut up now.

Have a good one eh.


	7. When All Hell Freezes Over

Disclaimer: It would appear that "insider trading" as it where is illegal, I just wish someone would have told me this beforehand, as such, I am writing you this disclaimer sitting on a very cold seat in prison, thank god for soap on a rope. When I come up with a new plan I'll let you know.

**A Day In The Life Of **

When All Hell Freezes Over

The devil awoke to a particular sensation he found quite disturbing. Being the lord of the underworld, there was a very limited list of sensations, which he would describe as "disturbing," in fact he had them listed upon a tiny post-it note beside his bed frame. You would be surprised how difficult it is to get a post-it note to stick to burning souls, but he managed. Peering at the notice, in an effort to remind himself of what this may be, he began to list them off.

Finally our resident lord of terror came upon the listed phenomenon, which would most aptly describe this particular sensation. He was shocked to say the least; he had not felt this one since 2011 when the Toronto Maple Leafs won the Stanley Cup. If you where incapable of deriving the exact feeling from the previous statement, let there be no mistake, the devil was cold.

Shivering a bit under the covers, he began to regret his earlier decision to put off buying that winter coat. Finally amassing enough courage to get himself out of bed, he let his feet drop upon the two waffle irons he left open beside his bed for just such occasions. Getting dressed in as many layers as he could, he decided to go about his daily business despite the chill in the air. It was as he opened the door that he was confronted with an occurrence he had never been privy to before.

He was snowed in.

"What the hell are they doing up there?"

---------------------------

Shinji was quite occupied with cowering at the moment. Rational thought, taking what one could only assume to be the most rational course of action, had long since fled in terror, this leaving Shinji to the mercy of his baser instincts. A great many of you may now recall a previous analysis upon the "fight or flight" response in respect to its effect upon Asuka. Shinji, despite the nigh uncanny similarities which existed between him and the girl, when it came to this, the two would be hard pressed to be further apart.

Unlike Asuka, it was our hero's flight instinct which remained perpetually dominant. Another point of divergence would be the execution thereof, while Asuka, when confronted with a problem would have the instinct kick in, Shinji seemed somewhat incapable of turning this instinct off. As such, he did the action most predominantly advocated by his self, he ran.

The remaining members of the group, while certainly pleased to see their companion still being alive where, to say the least, a bit apprehensive at having his arrival herald the shift of focus on the part of Asuka, to them. Now, while the instincts of the group as a whole where more or less balanced, they where still human, thus Rei quickly found herself with a whole host of children cowering behind her.

Rei was a rather sedate individual as most would be happy to tell you, conflict not really being in her nature to initiate. But every being in existence has its limits, this compounded with the rather unique circumstances surrounding her current body, led to her being quite livid.

Shinji had catalogued the various facial expressions of anger, using Asuka of course as the predominant subject in this particular study. While it was chiefly focused upon the eyebrow twitch, he had what could be best described as the definitive collection. It came as no surprise then, that he was somewhat taken aback to be confronted with two expressions which, as far as his recollection was concerned, he had never before been privy to.

The eyebrow twitch being his specialty, he knew it had its very own limitations, mainly based on the fact that the eyebrow happened to be attached to the head, limiting its range of movement. Rei, as it would appear had managed to discover a means in which to circumvent these inherent limitations. He never would have imagined that the eyebrow twitch was capable of dispersing itself out to encompass the whole face.

While he may not have specialized in it, the nostril flare was the secondary subject of his investigation. As has been well documented, the nostril is in possession of only so much flesh of which to expand, maxing out earlier than the eyebrow. As such, the expression that Asuka seemed to be sporting caused Shinji to believe that perhaps he would have to rethink the nostril equation in its entirety. Shinji then gave his professional opinion to his cowering teammates.

"I think we should run now."

The author, for those of you who may not know this, has never considered himself to be the preeminent authority in the practice of writing fight scenes. It can however be assumed that this was quite the momentous battle. If anyone out there truly wishes to have a comprehensive account of the battle, they would have to travel no further than the local video store. It was, as Kensuke was later to describe it, much akin to a bizarre cross of DBZ and Girls Gone Wild. It would also be prudent to note, at this time, that this was the only mention of a certain god forsaken television show that is ever to appear in this, or any other fics this particular author may wish to write in the future.

------------------------------

Gendo and PenPen were busy at work setting up their doomsday device. While Gendo was by no means entirely thrilled at the prospect of having to debilitate one of his top pilots, he considered it but a small price to pay for total world supremacy. This would be the last time "Evil Geniuses Monthly" passed him over for evil genius of the year.

PenPen was, as is to be expected, following a much different train of thought. Or to be more precise, two different trains of thought, just another perk of being a genetically altered penguin, the first of which being the act of revelling in his soon to be exacted revenge upon the one who stole his cable. The other train of thought of course was more closely related to sardines, despite his capacity for building weapons capable of wreaking havoc on even the most powerful of nations, the can opener was still a tool he was yet to master. Thus was the paradoxical existence of being an anomaly, abhorrent to the eyes of nature.

At last tightening the final bolt, the dastardly duo prepared to launch a volley in the direction of their specified target. It was at this point however, that the recollection of whom this girl was struck PenPen. He could not allow this assassination to take place. This was clearly not out of any form of empathy for the girl in question, but rather originating from the recollection that if she where to be removed there would be one less person in his home capable of operating the can opener. Just as the burst of energy was about to be released, his small penguin frame leapt towards the barrel, knocking it just an inch to the left.

-------------------------------------

"They're over there, to the left!"

"Got it."

"No! No, your other left!"

"There's no other left you know."

"Would you shut up, who's driving here."

"I wish it where anyone but you."

"I have to agree with her."

"Shut up already!"

The car, whose current passengers consisted of none other than Misato, Ritsuko and Maya, continued in its rather erratic pattern. This erratic pattern of course, brought to you courtesy of Misato's rather unique driving capabilities. So entrenched were they into their squabbling, they failed to notice the blinding light emanating from off in the distance to their left.

As any self respecting denizen of an Anime universe would be more than happy to inform you of, a blinding speck of light off in the distance is usually indicative of an energy beam, often, rather unseemly consequences tend to befall those who fail to take them into account.

---------------------------------

The group of Asuka hunters, minus Rei of course, continued to observe the epic conflict before them. As is to be expected, Kensuke had produced a camera, which Shinji was certain that but two minutes ago, he didn't have. He continued on in his insistence that while the photos he had taken of Asuka had fetched a hefty price indeed, those profits would pale in comparison to what this roll of film would produce.

Shifting focus once more to Hikari who, as the resident "sane" individual was shell-shocked. Ducking as a car was sent sailing just over her head; she noticed it was in fact a Toyota, perhaps due to the recent shortage of functioning Buicks which had stricken the city. Being position as a solitary bastion of sanity was not the only reason for this sudden shift of focus however, Hikari was also the only member of the observers to see the flash of light off in the distance.

------------------------------------------

The sound of the explosion rocked all of the individuals in attendance as the beam of energy, whose sudden shift in trajectory had aimed it directly at Rei instead struck the speeding sports car. Taking into account the nigh comical levels of violence Anime characters seem capable of withstanding in matters involving plot progression the three women sat in the centre of the dust cloud virtually untouched.

While through the haze of dust and rattled minds, very little conscious thought could emerge, Misato was obviously in her element and perfectly capable of functioning without full use of her higher brain functions. Still not forgetting the original intent of their mission she ran out and nabbed in the midst of all the confusion. Their mission successful she then dragged her two companions and "commandeered" a parked car.

As the dust settled and the remaining persons began to regain at the very least some of their senses, confusion reigned supreme.

"What the hell just happened?"

"Dude cool!"

"Hey, where's Rei?"

"Did we die?"

"Yeah, I see Asuka but no Rei."

"I don't think so, you don't look dead."

"Well then, that's not good, who'll protect us?"

"I guess not. Dying probably would come with less of a bang."

There seemed to be only one who had managed to evade the grasps of bewilderment, unfortunately for those in attendance, this person happened to be Asuka. While not confused, she most certainly was peeved; having lost her recently adopted sparring partner she seemed in need of another conduit through which to vent her frustration. And lo and behold, who happened to be standing in front of her at that very moment but Shinji, who she noted, with his mouth agape as such, was looking quite the idiot.

People have an odd sense, many of you fine readers have probably at one point or another felt a sneaking suspicion that someone was looking at you. This is normally just the slightest of sensations but it does indeed exist. If however, any of you where to be the subject of the look coming from the crazed German, the word slight would most certainly no longer apply. Knowing this Shinji turned towards the source of the gaze, lest it manage to burn a hole right through his skull.

"Um…Asuka? Do you think maybe we could calm down?"

"I AM CALM!"

Irony being dead however, this made perfect sense.

She lunged at the very suspecting and yet wholly unprepared boy, sending the two a tumble along the street. Shinji knew right then he was at most, seconds away from death, she had him pinned and, lacking the strength usually associated with… well the strength usually associated with being alive, he couldn't pry her off. Within this context even, what was to occur was by no means expected, likely or for that matter even feasible. His death imminent Shinji did the only thing that came to his mind, being 14 and all.

He kissed her.

------------------------------------

-Elsewhere-

Satan was still stuck in his house, Hell lacking snowplows he could only wait until this whole day just blew over. Still clad in his blanket, sporting oven mitts on each hand and a heat pack on his head, he looked towards the thermostat. Just a few seconds ago it had dropped yet anther even further, now resting at -30 degrees. (The author being Canadian this is of course in Celsius, rest assured however, that's cold enough for spit to freeze before it hits the ground, which is coincidently pretty much the only pastime available to those living in the Northwest Territories, poor shmucks.)

Satan turned his head up to the sky (or more aptly, ceiling) before asking his question. Perhaps he was asking god himself, or maybe he was addressing the pig flying overhead.

"What the hell are they doing up there."

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(A/N) And there you have it folks, the second last chapter. So to those of you who read and enjoy this, the end is nigh, for those of you just reading this of boredom and really, all things considered, couldn't care less how much longer it is, you are a crowd in all likelihood far too large to address at once, so be off with you.

Next chapter will be more of an epilogue than an ending, so I hope you're looking forward to it. It should be up by Saturday, or in the more likely case, Sunday.

I'll thank once more those who reviewed, and of course thanks to Rioes, who has turned pointing out all my stupid mistakes into an art form in and of itself.

Have a good one eh.


	8. Just an Ordinary Average Day

Disclaimer: I tried to tunnel out of my prison cell in an attempt to once more wrestle Eva from the clutches of Gainax; apparently they get really testy about trying to escape from prison. I'm starting to think maybe I should just give up this whole "Owning Eva" delusion of mine.

**A Day In The Life Of**

Just an Ordinary Average Day

Shinji was sitting watching the mind-numbing barrage of fart jokes and teen melodramas occur on the TV, just as he did every afternoon. Today, he decided, was a decidedly boring day. Just the same old, same old, not at all like the previous days confrontation with the slug people from the planet Mehrk, all the while dodging a herd of stampeding rhinoceroses, now that was significantly more exciting.

'_Good times, good times._' He thought to himself.

Looking down he surveyed the burnt spots on the couch as he sighed once more. He really wished Asuka wouldn't rampage so much as she did, having to buy a new couch every week was definitely not good for the pocket book, but of more concern, at least to the boy, Shinji was sure he couldn't take any more couches up the stairs without serious repercussions befalling his back.

Although one thing was bothering him, he still couldn't quite figure out what happened with Rei. She had returned after everything calmed down a bit and seemed more herself than she had been for the earlier portion of the day, but where did she go? He decided to let it slide as more pressing matters made their way to the fore. Matters like how to get the picture Kensuke had taken of him and Asuka away from the bespectacled boy.

Along those same lines, he was still quite surprised the kiss had calmed her down as much as it did. You see usually, when Asuka rampaged he would just let her wear herself out, normally falling asleep after but a few hours of wanton destruction. Of course he only did it to calm her down, self-preservation and all. How this could be true despite the fact that had absolutely no thoughts of stopping her at all at that moment, was a mater best reserved for future discussion.

There was, however something nagging in his mind, a notion he could not quite pin down, yet roamed freely in his thoughts. Being the daft individual he was, he decided upon further consideration to let the matter drop. We may in fact never know how long it would have taken him to realise that this thought was one pertaining to a certain pigtailed class representative and her now fractured sanity.

Tragically, owing to this, we shall have to skip the inevitable scene change such thoughts would usually bring about. Never in fact knowing that the class representative in question was currently spending her time in a rather fashionable padded cell, insisting on the impossibility of hearing numbers used in the place of letters. Nor shall we ever hear of the supply doctor they bring in for just such occasions, a man whose name sounds suspiciously like Largo. Yes it's unfortunate indeed we shall never learn of these events.

Shinji's entrancement, brought on by the intellectually suppressant powers of the television, was cut short by a clatter in the kitchen. It was quite obvious that Asuka, being the somewhat impatient type, had attempted to take it upon herself to cook the evening's meal. Unfortunately, Asuka tended to have very little recollection of her weekly sortie, and as such, never quite understood why the apartment was in such shambles. As with most things she neither knew, nor understood, she took it to be a bad thing, and of course, lest we forget, to be Shinji's fault.

"Aren't you supposed to clean this place?"

Shinji, if he where to be slightly for fortuitous when it came to maters of interpersonal communication, would have in all likelihood told her that the mess was, in for all intents and purposes, her fault, and as such it would be most prudent for her to clean it up. Unfortunately, Shinji wasn't and decided to settle upon an apology as well as a promise not to forget to clean at any future point.

It would be best to note, that as this conversation is occurring, their teacher, who while still being incapacitated with the flu, was working out the teachers comment's to put on his students report cards. Looking through his list, he found the comment best suited for the two residents of the Katsuragi household. With a careful hand, he began to print them out. "Wheel is turning, but Hamster is dead."

--------------

Ritsuko was busy typing away upon her laptop while a certain lab tech, who Ritsuko noted was wearing the cap from the very same softball league she herself played in, although her protégé was playing for the other team, it was still deemed worthy of note, for reasons she still did not know. Maya cut in.

"What happened to the last Rei anyways?"

"Oh, run over by stampeding rhinoceroses, tragic really"

It was then that Ritsuko decided to pose a question which had been bothering her for some time now.

"Maya, when you activated the new Rei, which one did you use?"

"Oh, number 2, I still wanted to go for the chronological order thing."

"You do of course realise that we use numbers 1 through 13 for the dummy plug right?"

-Elsewhere-

The toaster was feeling quite proud of its recent achievements. It had managed to defeat Rei not once, but twice now. Having read Sun Tzu's _The Art of War_ long ago, during it's infancy as sheet metal in fact, it knew that one had to know their enemy. It had been something it'd observed throughout its daily functions as a household appliance, that whenever toast popped out, the girl would always jump a bit in shock. Why this was, it still didn't know, but it was certainly not averse to using it to its advantage.

So busy was it congratulating itself that it never took notice of the large metallic lump flying at high velocities towards it. It never realised its inevitable fate until it lay in pieces at the blue haired girl's feet. The girl holding a rather large looking mallet with duct tape surrounding its haft. Rei tightened her grip on smashie, after having recently brought it back from the brink of death as she surveyed the wreckage.

"Fucking Toaster."

--------------------

The meal itself was a rather boring event in the small apartment, thus, in the interests of expediency, we shall skip over it. Skip all the way in fact, to a good two hours afterwards. Shinji was seated in front of the idiot box once more allowing himself to wallow in the overly angst ridden thoughts that only fictional characters where capable of. Such things do tend to happen when all you are is an extension of your creator's negative self-image.

It was with these thoughts when he noticed motion from the corner of his eye. Turning towards it, he realised it was in fact Asuka, sporting an oversized T-shirt, a bowl of popcorn, and not much else. Stifling the inevitable blood flow from his nose such sights usually brought on, he looked at her quizzically.

"Shut up, this has nothing to do with you, I just like the movie is all, now scoot over, the couch isn't that big."

He of course obliged, sliding to the left to allow the girl some room to squeeze in next to him, normally he would have taken her comments at face value, moped for a bit, and let that be the end of it. But sometimes people need a little bit of a change, even in a regular day.

It was just a day like any other.

But maybe that wasn't all that bad.

After all, Asuka hated this movie, and the couch was, in fact, very large.

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-THE END-

(A/N) Well, that's it that's all folks, here ends the day, and thus the story a day in the life of has to go with it. Hope all of you enjoyed it, if you're wondering why then end came sooner than expected, well one it's shorter than most, and two, you see I started writing and didn't seem to stop until it was done. I also tried to end it a Waffy note, I really hope it worked out. I actually had a fun time writing this one, not really having to worry about mood or plot progression leaves you free to just screw around with descriptions as much as you want, which is always the most fun part of writing anyway.

I'll come back with something a bit more serious later, until then, I shall retreat to my mountain top in order to ponder how the hell I'm going to do that..

So one final thanks to all those who have reviewed, as well as all those who very well may at a future date, I honestly don't think many people would write if they never got any feedback, so three cheers to you guys for perpetuating this whole site.

Also Rioes for encouragement as well as finding all the little things (or, for that matter, big things) that I otherwise would have missed, giving this fic at least a bit of professionalism… "Cough, cough"

So yeah, that's all, I hope this made you smile,

and until next time,

Have a good one eh.


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